Swearing – it’s not big, and it’s not clever. Well, sometimes it is, but by and large, I take a firm “less is more” approach to curse words.
That’s not something that can be said about my agent, Giuseppe. He was banned from the Abergwili Arms for his frequent foul-mouthed outbursts, and he’s also been shunned by much of polite society in the area after the event we politely refer to as “bluegate.” The latter occurred at a charity fundraising dinner a few years ago, but I reckon he was within his rights to let off a bit of steam, given what happened. After all, it was prompted by a painful zipper-related accident in the gents’ toilets. The thing is, it just happened to take place during the keynote speech from the president of the Abergwili Pensioners’ Alliance. You could have cut the embarrassment in the air with a knife.
You might be wondering what on earth curbing your swearing has to do with saving money, unless it means avoiding a conviction for public indecency. Well, I’ll tell you…
The swear box is a great way to slash your profanity usage, and put some pennies aside, too. You could even introduce a graded system: 10p for minor aberrations, 50p for mid-range misdemeanours, and £1 for what I call ‘category one’ offences. I’ll leave you to interpret what the words are. This is a family website, after all.
You can put the money you’ve saved towards a shiny pair of new brogues, a trendy pair of slacks, or a holiday. Anything you like, come to think of it.
If you’re finding you’re putting a bit too much into your swear box, you could start substituting words for less offensive alternatives. I’m fond of a good “fiddlesticks” now and then, and occasionally I like to kick it in a Shakespearean stylee and drop in a “zounds!” or “odd’s bodkins” into my daily discourse. Try and be as creative as you can, and you’ll soon be impressing all your mates with your snazzy lingo.
Bye for now,
Gio
